Guiding Light
by Heeroluva
Summary: Jim knows that Spock is reaching his breaking point, and will be there for him when he does. Jim/Spock prelash


Title: Guiding Light  
Author: heeroluva  
Pairing: Spock/Kirk pre-slash  
Contains: fluffy angst, minor character death  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.  
Summary: Jim knows that Spock is reaching his breaking point, and will be there for him when he does.  
Notes: Thanks to xlcatloveress for the quick beta! This is my entry for the second prompt (Ain't no sunshine when she's gone) over at st_respect. All mistakes are mine. Feel free to let me know if you see any. As always feedback is appreciated.

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Jim knew that something had to be done about Spock and that he was going to have to be the one to do it. If he thought it would do any good, he'd have ordered the Vulcan to Bones for a psychological evaluation and counseling, but he knew that it such a thing wouldn't do anything but cause the Vulcan to further strengthen his walls and pull even farther away from everyone.

He'd even considered calling Sarek to talk to Spock or even ask the man for advice but decided that that would also make things worse. So the responsibility fell solely onto his shoulders. Sure he could be diplomatic and charming with the best of them, but when it came to personal matters of the heart, he had little experience and didn't even know how to breach the subject in a way that wouldn't make Spock run.

Jim knew that Spock's mother had been his world, his guiding light, and while Jim didn't understand it, he knew that the man was lost in his grief, drifting with no sense of direction. He'd only known the man briefly before he'd lost his mother, but Jim was an expert at reading people, and had seen drastic changes in the Vulcan. Yes his efficiency may have gone up, but he'd pulled away from everyone, even going so far as reprimanding Uhura in front of everyone for touching him. It had just been a casual touch, a light brush, probably not even done consciously, but had been enough to set Spock off.

When Jim had confronted Uhura, she hadn't wanted to talk about it, but he'd finally gotten it out of her; she'd decided that it was best if they ended things. She knew that Spock was drowning and didn't know how to help and felt like she was going to be pulled down, drowning with him. She'd felt terribly guilty over it, but just couldn't deal with that. Jim should have seen it coming, known that such a new relationship couldn't handle that type of strain, but he'd hoped that Uhura would be the one that could help, that she'd be able to draw Spock out.

Jim wondered if he was even the best choice to confront Spock, if Spock blamed him for not stopping the drill fast enough, which ultimately caused the destruction of his world, his people, and his mother. He had a feeling that that wasn't the case, but he still couldn't quite push the guilt away.

He'd taken to watching Spock, trying to find an opening, a crack in his mask. As it turned out, he wasn't very covert about it, and multiple times Spock had turned to him and asked "Captain?" Jim of course would deny that he needed anything, and pretended to get absorbed in something. He had a strange feeling that Spock had taken to watching him as well, but hadn't been able to catch him in it yet.

One night in the mess hall, Jim had been telling a story to Bones and Scotty while an ever impassive Spock sat silently next to him eating his dinner. Jim had gotten a little over enthusiastic, and without thinking slapped Spock across the back. He froze, and looking across the table at the others, their eyes were big as well, waiting for the explosion. But it never came; Spock just turned to him with a slightly cocked brow before going back to his dinner. Jim hastily dropped his hand and shared amazed looks with Bones and Scotty before digging into his own dinner, spending the rest of the meal lost in quiet contemplation.

The next day while walking back to their quarter after the end of their shift Jim impulsively blurted out, "Want to spar? I have Rec 17 booked, and would love some company."

Spock stopped in his tracks, obviously not having expected such an invitation, and practically gave him a once over. "You know that you do not stand a chance. As our previous encounter showed Vulcans are three times stronger than humans."

Jim just laughed and without thinking grabbed Spock's hand dragging him along. "Hey, that time you were trying to kill me. I figure I at least have a chance this time. If you pull your punches."

As they entered room, Spock inquired, "If I pull my punches, what use is this sparring match to me?"

It was only then that Jim realized that he was holding onto Spock's hand and that the man had allowed it, even closed his fingers over Jim's. He slowly released them, knowing that Vulcans were touch telepaths and rarely touched others, wondering what such a thing meant. "Just think of it as a stress relief."

Spock made no indication that he'd noticed the loss of contact, and slowly nodded as if he agreed with Jim's logic. They stripped off their uniforms and changed into something more fitting for exercising.

For long minutes they silently faced each other, and Jim realized that he was going to have to be the one to make the first move. He swung wildly, testing the waters, but Spock easily blocked and countered with his own blow, also getting a feel for the situation. It went on like that for several minutes, before the first real blow was received totally unexpected, and it left Jim gasping for breath. Spock froze, not having meant to use such force, and having predicted that the move would be blocked.

When Jim finally steadied his breathing, he noticed how still Spock stood, lost in himself. Reaching out, he set a gentle hand on Spock's arms, but lunged forward as Spock collapsed like a puppet whose strings were cut. The Vulcan though was by no means light, and Jim went down with him. He pulled the other man into his lap as Spock began shaking, just holding him because he knew for once that words were not the key.

Jim knew he couldn't fill the void that the death of Spock's mother left, but he could try.


End file.
